Saturday, May 31, 2008

Oh Yeah My Blog

Last night I went to bed and realized I hadn't done any blogging.
I had the worst head and eye ache which I'm still feeling this morning. I know it's freaky MS pain because nothing worked to get rid of it. I had that shimmering in my eye too which I really hate even though it was much less than the last time. Felt like crying but didn't, since that only makes things worse.
I fell asleep and then my phone rang at 4:00 a.m which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been the cell phone. What I Hate, about the cell, is when you don't answer it beeps every few minutes, louder and louder. So I had to get up and shut it off, naturally I had left it downstairs! I made a note of the phone number which I don't recognize and will call later and ask why they are calling at such an annoying time !!

At least it's much quieter now when it rains thanks to the new eaves troughs. I don't have to listen to water dripping and worry about it leaking into the basement. I can't believe what cheap crappy stuff the old troughs were.

That's it for now I feel to lousy to keep going.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Good Timing Bad Timing

Beautiful sandal weather today.
Not much happened except working on website promotion and lots of cooking. Still no sidewalk even though they did make quite a racket out there this morning.

Being off from my regular job has really helped me feel better, not fabulous, but pretty good.
I still get dead tired, not mind numbing , bone crushing, tired like before at least. I'm a little less of a space cadet too. That's the good news.

The bad news is according to an article in the Star ( really should give up reading online papers) we have higher prices for everything to look forward to this year and next. Perfect timing with me have a 25% cut in my wages for a year, due to this time off. Ah well, guess I'll have to do less cooking.

Watched the movie "I'm Not There" again. It was better on the second viewing. A weird movie and you really do need to know about Bob Dylan to get what's going on.

Unlike many artists Dylan never wanted to be a prophet yet people saw him that way.
Bizarre how people can latch on to a singer or a band, thinking they know the meaning of life.
When Bruce Springsteen did a concert here recently, Oh man, the way these guys at work went on about him you'd think he was a god ! Can't say any artist,or for that matter politician, has had that effect on me. I'm amused at how worked up everybody is getting over the whole Hillary/ Obama thing. What a crazy horse race that is. I'm glad that when the government calls an election here, it's over and done with in a couple of months. If it were any longer than that I 'm sure I would go mad listening to the propaganda.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Hospitals and Sidewalks

Take a look at my sidewalk. You can see the city is really making progress. There's a small part of my jungle garden too.

Aside from that you can read part 2 of the continuing saga of Ray Griffis . Now the hospital is doing an investigation.


Not because Mr Griffis, was ignored by nurses when he tried to get their attention because he needed a bed pan, and not because he was left to lie in his mess for hours, and not because he cleaned himself up. No, the investigation is about why he was able to get past nurses and other hospital staff, look for another room, climb into a nice clean bed and get a good night's sleep . Good for you Mr Griffis, and shame on you North York General.
It's a public hospital that we, the public, pay for. We own the beds and shouldn't have to sleep in filth .

On the whole our health care system is good. I have no major complaints . However stories like this are not only shocking and an embarrassment, they just feed the "we should go private"
movement. Yeah so we can be just like the States and have millions of people with no health care at all like these folks
who live in the richest country in the world and have to depend on charity .

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

What to Do ?

Read an interesting article today in the New York Times about Lotus Therapy, aka Focused Awareness , aka Mindfulness. This is a new psychiatric therapy you can read about here and make up your own mind.

After reading this I was really bugged; not by whether the therapy works but by the doctors. ( of course) One specialist saying it's the best treatment for mental disorders, another saying no it makes things worse. Then there's the doctor who says it works, but only for severe cases, and another who says the opposite, no its only good for mild cases.

I get the impression that nobody in the health care profession is interested in what is right. That ego gets in the way of patient care. There's no cooperation to find solutions , only competition to push their own agenda.

Then we have the poor soul, the patient , a person suffering from anxiety disorder or severe depression who goes to one of these specialists. Say they get the doctor who thinks it's the best therapy ever. The patient tries it and feels no better. The doctor always has an out . The doctor can say" Oh you just didn't try hard enough or" you didn't follow the instructions" but maybe that isn't so. Maybe in fact the treatment doesn't work. Maybe the poor soul, the patient, will get the doctor who doesn't believe in this treatment and yet it could be the best thing ever.

So what do you do ? Drag yourself from one doctor to another until you get the right therapy , the one that works ? What really works ? Will these doctors ever get their act together and try and find solutions and do what they're supposed to do .Help patients get well. Sure our health is our responsibility. We should inform ourselves to make decisions about our health to make the right choices. Not so easy when you are so depressed , busy thinking of ways to do yourself in, or you have such bad anxiety you're afraid to go outside.

Monday, May 26, 2008

It's Getting Hot

Little annoyances of the day.
1. No good mail , only bills
2. Rain and heat had it feeling like a steam bath outside .
3. City workers idling trucks in front of my house while eating their lunch
4. Movie channel messed up, advertising Martial Arts Monday and showing a western instead.
5. postponed trip , postponed again.
6. someone asking me how much "work" I've had done (plastic surgery- answer : none)
7. Dry, dry, feet that no amount of cream seems to help.
8. Accidentally gluing a finger on to a toe (long story)

Otherwise I can't say I accomplished much, which leaves me oddly dissatisfied with myself.

Reading this article in the paper didn't help either. Notice how a little thing can drag us down and have us thinking long lost memories ? I don't know why it reminded me of when I was a girl and was in the hospital. I had surgery on my feet. I wanted to get up to go to the bathroom but wasn't allowed. I was stubborn and kept trying to get up so the nurses tied me in my bed. I was very young but I'll never forget that feeling of helplessness and humiliation.
My dread of losing my independence must go back to that time.

Tomorrow is supposed to be mild which is good because I have loads of errands to do. Have to figure out a way to go to the Farmer's Market and not see anybody from work. I know that sounds silly, yet I can't handle seeing any of those nosy people.

I fixed the link to London Calling , not a bad blog .Check it out.

Hmm I think I hear a raccoon fight in the yard. Should I break it up ?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Royal Botanical Gardens

Went to the Royal Botanical Gardens Today. The weather was gorgeous and I had a nice time.
A real tonic.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Can't Handle It

How many times in this blog have I mentioned how tired I am ? It's the one constant. Even on days
when I say I'm feeling pretty good, I have at least one fatigue "episode". On a bad day, it's all day. I know there are much worse challenges with MS, but this is the one symptom that makes me feel like I want to give up .
That's the way I feel tonight . I can't handle it . I was a zombie today. Sure, as usual I pushed myself to do things because not doing things makes me feel guilty and hopeless. Didn't manage to get out though, not even for a short walk to the post office . I just couldn't do it . Even the thought of walking made me tired. So I've been inside putting around on the computer, sorting out summer clothes (when will we start wearing them?) and cooking . The kitchen always seems to be my refuge when I'm down. "At least I can cook", I tell myself and I admit I'm a pretty good cook.

So this is it for th rest of my life , being a zombie . No there aren't any good drugs for it. I've checked them out . They just fool you into thinking you have energy and turn you into a junkie.

Now Blogger is being a total nuisance so I think I'll stop for tonight. You know I'll be back tomorrow.

Friday, May 23, 2008

End of Week 4

My house is filled with the scent of lilacs.

A wonderful mild spring day ended week 4 of my time off. After all that cold and rain, at last, some sunshine !
Maybe we won't have to have the heat on anymore ? That would be great.

There was a mad frenzy of activity in the neighbourhood . The buzzing sound of lawnmowers, weed eaters, and trimmers, as long neglected gardens get a make over, including mine. I'm more of a quiet gardener. I use hand tools and I don't have a lawn. I dug it up and did a natural garden in the front and am slowly converting the back lawn as well. Today was just a matter of trimming back some vines and doing a bit of weeding. I even did up a couple of big pots of coleus for the veranda. That's a big improvement over last summer, when I didn't even want to go out there.

There was a discussion today on the postcard forum about the price of gas . It's $8.30 a gallon in Finland ! so we really shouldn't be complaining .

An article in the Star today about a new Wal Mart store in Markham that will be solar powered.
If Wal Mart is going green, it's only a matter of time before we all do.

No hole digging or sidewalk destruction going on today . I did see a very big dangerous looking saw parked on the side walk. They use it to cut away sections of side walk and then another machine removes the pieces. I still have no idea what's going on . The sidewalk doesn't even look like it needs replacing.

Ah ! I just lost an E bay auction and I'm actually glad. Had a fit of bidding fever and got carried away. Guess somebody else got even more carried away. They paid too much, Ha Ha.

Well considering I got up this morning feeling like a train wreck things aren't too bad right now.

I'm looking forward to some decent week end weather.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Girlie Day Out

Spent the day in Toronto doing girlie things with a friend : a little shopping, lots of gabbing, and afternoon tea. Shocking how much the bus pass has gone up in price . It's still better than driving. Looking out the window of the bus at all the cars with only one passenger, I wondered how much longer that will last.

When I left in the morning there were lots of scary looking big machines on the street and guys in hard hats. The result at the end of the day; more holes and less sidewalk. I gather they will be back tomorrow, what with all the wooden barricades and orange pylons out there.

Not much else to say except, once again, I'm really tired.

I wonder if these really work ? Not keen on the fringe

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

No Sidewalk

I wanted to treat myself to a lie in this morning due to major female complaints, which I won't go into details about. As fate would have it, the city has decided to not only dig big holes in the road on my street, they are at this very moment, cutting away the side walk in front of my house. There is very little frontage between my house and the sidewalk, so it's traumatic. I can't go outside, there's a huge amount of dust, and a bunch of guys with big machines. Not good. Just as well the eaves troughs are postponed. Oh and the colour it turns out is "universal brown" which to me looks like the plain old brown I wanted in the first place.

My sidewalk trauma is nothing compared to what my postcard friend Carol, in Arizona is experiencing. Please read her first had account of the wildfires there at Double Barrel Ranch

Take your pick from the experts as to where the price of oil is going They all have a different story.

I'm breaking down and having a couple of Advil. A girl can only take so much. If you think I'm whining excessively, please feel free to go read some other blogs. You will especially enjoy the Julie Andrews, themed ones that encourage you to " Climb Every Mountain".
I can barely climb a hill .

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Canada: Hazardous to Your Health

Come to Canada, pick up our bad habits, and this could happen to you.

Bath time just won't be as much fun without my duckie

I have about as much energy as a sea slug today. For the first time in ages, I went back to bed late this morning. Actually fell asleep, had some very weird dreams. If I was working I'm sure it would have been another sick day (No! don't think about work) I'm blaming the bad weather.
The coldest, rainiest, windiest, May in years.

Regardless, I really do need to get out in the garden tomorrow. When I went out to collect the recycling bins this morning, I noticed the green explosion. I promised myself that I wouldn't let it turn into the Cambodian jungle like last year. The nice part is I don't think I need to buy any filler plants . Maybe just do up a couple of pots for the veranda.

Doesn't look like the eaves troughs will get done again this week. I had ordered them and told the guy to go ahead with the work. Now I find out that when I said I wanted brown eaves troughs, I should have been more specific. How was I supposed to know that there are five different shades of brown available ? Guess chocolate is the right one.

Now I have to check up on what the tech guys are doing with my website. Can you imagine that a customer got in touch with me saying he couldn't order anything ? Went to look at the site and the stupid buttons are missing again. Hope I haven't lost too much business. The pit falls of
E commerce, very frustrating. Don't think I'll be quitting my real job anytime soon ( No! don't think about work).

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Up one day , down the next. Way down.
Time for some tea and candy.
From the Toronto Star

Monday, May 19, 2008

Couch is My Best Friend

Yesterday was a total write off other than cooking a good Mexican dinner and doing some laundry.
Only managed to get in a very brief walk. I couldn't wait to get back home, I was feeling so lousy .
Every step was torture. The cold miserable weather doesn't help. Today won't be much better, the high 6C, overcast and windy.
Spent most of the evening collapsed on the couch. What a joke, me lying there with my cushions and fleece blankets. I managed to rally a bit in the late evening and do some website stuff, not very much though. Put the garbage and recycling out by mistake, forgot about the holiday. I think I'll leave it out, not much happening on the street because of the lousy weather so nobody will care.

Well it wouldn't be the first Victoria Day long weekend to be a bust.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Waste Tissue ?

Decided to post early today. The weather is awful, even colder and more rain than last weekend.
So plans are changed again and I'm catching up on chores instead of frolicking in the lilac garden.

I had a bad night, like being awake during a nightmare.That's the only way I can describe it.
Got up feeling even worse. The french toast and masses of tea didn't perk me up so I crashed on the couch for a couple of hours. Not sleeping , just hiding under a blanket feeling sorry for myself.

Now I'm fine. I'm watching a couple of movies over again while I work. I've been promising for ages to mail them off to a friend. He teaches a course on "Propaganda and Mass Media" and I think he'll find them interesting.
One film called "It Happened Here" 1965, maybe I have mentioned it before ( brain dead as usual) . It's about what might have happened if Germany had invaded England and won WWII. The makers of the film Kevin Brownlow and Andrew Mollo,were teenagers when they came up with the idea. Interesting to see the various reasons why people cave in to military rule. They are fed up with war, they want food and a job, they want to get on with their lives. The constant bombardment with propaganda and real life fascists, who lived in Britain at the time, reinforcing the ideals (if you can call them that). One nut case leader of the British fascists describing "inferior" people as "waste tissue" that "should be eliminated"
If I had been around in those times, I guess I would have been one of those people.

The other movie is " Wet Asphalt" 1958, a German film. about a guy who after the war gets a job with a tabloid paper, referred to as the "yellow press" at the time . The paper runs a fake story dreamed up by the editor . Hmm, hasn't that happened recently ? ( I'm sure I'm repeating myself). My only disappointment is that I couldn't find a subtitled version and I hate the dubbing.

I really wish my toes would behave and stop tingling A little thing ,but an extremely annoying thing.

Saturday, May 17, 2008


It's Saturday night and I'm cooking rigatoni with meat sauce. A late dinner, not exactly the light meal my son was wanting. I can't help myself, I like stuffing people.

I've been a bit down in the dumps today. A trip I was looking forward to has been postponed.
I'm very much missing my friend and was so wanting to get away .

Decided to distract myself by finally nailing down some wood trim that has been sitting around for two years. Gee , so much easier to do with the right tools . I would never have avoided it this long if I had known .

Let's hope the weather is reasonable tomorrow so I can get out and see those lilacs ! To heck with the pollen and my stuffy nose.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Week Three

Three weeks into my leave and I'm feeling pretty good. Still very tired, yet not the bone crushing exhaustion I felt at the end of a work week .
I'm still a space cadet. Yesterday without thinking, I went out in the yard without a shirt on and almost threw my son's breakfast into the composter. Caught myself before I did it at least and went back inside and put my shirt on. Then I put a head of lettuce in the freezer . Later in the day I was in a tizzy at the bank machine thinking I had lost a cheque . Luckily I had left it on the dining room table. I know it all has to do with the fatigue and not because of brain cell loss.
OK maybe a few brain cells.

Today was Bike or Walk to Work day. That's easy for me, I always walk. I especially like walking past the gas station and seeing the gas prices. Glad I don't have to worry about that, no car.

I'm seriously thinking of getting a Wii game console so I can use the Wii fit. Apparently they have done tests and the hula hoop exercise on it is even better than using a treadmill. I can just imagine myself on a cold winter day doing the hula, pretending I'm in Hawaii.

Well it's supposed to be a cold rainy long weekend. Perhaps no fire works on Victoria Day and
I might not get to go see the lilacs at the Botanical gardens. If I had the Wii fit I could pretend to be jogging through a lovely park (can you tell I really want one)

Lucky there's a save feature on here, almost lost the whole works. I really am very tired, so I should quit now.
Added another MS blog to my links: London Calling.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Human Rights at Ground Level

Bloggers were encouraged to discuss Human Rights today

First, a few stories in the news about this topic. In no particular order
In: Ottawa
North Korea

To me human rights start at ground level :
- Show respect for others.
- Don't impose your well meaning values
- Give people a break !
- Leave God's work to God

Yeah not mind boggling stuff and certainly the issue of human rights is far more complicated . These are just my simple musings on the subject. My MS experiences have shown me on the negative side, how petty and small minded people can be, on the positive, how there is much good in others.
Keep on blogging.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Trying to Stay Cool

Typical weather around here, from freezing to suffocating. At least I am anyway.

I suppose I shouldn't worry about it. I'm beginning to feel the positive effects of my time off even though they have messed up my pay cheque, and are taking far more money off for the leave than they should. Not in the mood to wrangle with human resources right now. Must stay calm and serene. Besides , the more they take, the sooner it will be paid off. Repeat: must stay calm and serene.

Saw an interview today on BBC with the lady who posed for this painting
She's actually very attractive. Maybe she was having a PMS day when she posed. That's what the painting makes me think of.

Hey! it's not my fault I bought all this candy today. In fact, the caramel Mars bars are calling me.
Time to make a pot of tea and : stay calm and serene.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Catholic Aliens ?

Not much to say . It was the first warm day of the season and I got over heated during my walk.
Oh No! It's starting already.

Now the Vatican says it's OK to believe in aliens

As I suspected my son did not like my Mother's day post devoted to him. Too mushy.
Otherwise I'm not feeling too bad.

Monday, May 12, 2008

A typical Monday

My complaints about the lousy weather are feeble considering the recent earthquake, cyclone, tornadoes, and volcanic eruption. It's too difficult to comprehend, 10,000 people dying in a few seconds.

Managed to check everything off my to do list today. I now know more than I want to about websites and blogs. The door scraping is coming along and should only need another couple of hours to finish it. Made a pair of shorts out of pants that I know won't be in style next year. They turned out pretty good. Why I should care about that, but I do.

Haven't had to take any Advil since I left work even though I have awful pains in my feet. I can put up with it because they don't last. I'll get these stabbing pains on the top of my feet were my scars are and on my left foot it feels like my toe is going to fall off. Then they just go away on their own. Walking doesn't seem to be the cause. I walked loads this weekend and nothing, but sitting around and suddenly, Wham ! foot attack !

Added another health site to my links , Health Zone. Lots of interesting articles there on a wide variety of health topics.

As I'm typing this there's a very good Kung Fu battle going on in the movie "Shaolin Drunk Monkey "( yeah that's the title) A young woman dressed in red( that always means trouble) is kicking the crap out of this old martial arts master. He's a bad guy so I guess he deserves it.

That's it , after all it is Monday.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother Goose and Dad

Here's a cute photo I took down at the harbour on the way to Mother's day dinner. It was a cold rainy day. Think of a caption and I'll use it

Saturday, May 10, 2008

A Mother's Day Message to My Son

Tomorrow is Mother's Day so I thought I would write a little something to you, my son, Billy.
I'm sure you'll be rolling your eyes when you read this and say I'm acting like a mushy girl.
I'm your mother so indulge me.

I want to tell you what great guy you are. You kid me a lot, but I know that you're trying to cheer me up when you do that. And you know I'm kidding when I say I want a diamond encrusted tiara as a Mother's day gift.

It can't be easy for you sometimes. You go to your Dad's place and he's a wreck from his Fibro and then you come home and your Mom's a wreck with her MS. It must be very frustrating.
Besides that, the world is such a crazy place and yet you seem to be able to handle it.

Even though you enjoying weird music( death metal bands with unpronounceable names) and drive me mad sometimes talking about politics, you bring so much happiness into my life.

So I'm really looking forward to Mother's day because I have such a nice son to spend it with.
OK that's as mushy as it's going to get. Oh wait!
I Love you.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Child Proof Caps

Got up really late today, 9:30 ! Had all sorts of strange dreams last night, which is good , it means I was actually sleeping.
My penance for being lazy was to clean the bathroom and unclog the tub drain . Why have they decided now to put a child proof cap on the bleach? Grrr ! Don't get me wrong, I want the kiddies to be safe. Why a child won't eat broccoli but will guzzle down a bottle of cleaner, I don't understand. My son and nieces and nephews, fortunately,were only ever interested in stuff made of sugar.

Yesterday was a mish mash day. Started out good and then slowly unraveled. Why do the tech guys only ever have bad news ? And why do they always try to blame me when things go wrong? I told them I don't want to play the blame game, just fix it and let's move on.
My friend is right, they are the priesthood and we must obey them.

" When he walks in the room people stoop and bow, because he is the guy with computer know how" Excerpt from a song by the Bare Naked Ladies.

After all that frustration I went for a very long walk on the trail. While I was up near the waterfall I had one of my little brain malfunctions. The ground felt like it was giving out under me and the railing felt like it was collapsing. Glad that only lasts for a few seconds. I stayed calm and didn't say anything.

Now it's back to work. Later I can get back to door scraping. My son is done with the night shift for this week, so I can make noise during the day again.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

How Much Does it Take?

How much: bran, fruits and vegetables, water, exercise, does it take?
And how much can I eat and nothing happens, before I explode?
Oh now I see it, my future, just like my mother and grandmother. A laxative junkie ! No! No !
This must be pay back for the times I thought my Dad and the Italian relatives, were dumb, always discussing their digestive troubles and lack of sleep.

Bah! To heck with this I'm going for a walk .I have postcards to mail. Then later I have work to do .

While I'm out I must resist the temptation to strangle the stupid dog that never stops barking.
I suppose it could be worse. I could be in my grey. cubicle

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Peregrine Falcons

Forgot to give a plug to the Peregrine Falcon project.
We are lucky that the falcons like to raise a family on the roof of the Sheraton Hotel downtown.
So far two chicks, with two more eggs to hatch .
The mother, Madame X, is originally from Pennsylvania
See the web cam here

MS Social Failings

Late last night I had a long telephone chat with a friend. The telephone and internet are a blessing for me. We all use to live so close to each other, my family , friends, and me. Now, mostly due to economic reasons, we are scattered everywhere. My moving out here to Hamilton has made it even harder to see all of them . The MS doesn't help either.

Two summers ago when I was planning to go to a friends wedding, I had my first MS social failing. That's what I call it.
Right up to the last moment I wasn't sure I would make it. I was such a wreck. It took me all morning to get ready, something I usually can do in half an hour. I felt like I was pasted to the couch, could barely move. I did end up going, but it was a challenge and I left way earlier than I wanted to. That's happened a few times now, including one time that resulted in a big fight with a relative. She was frustrated with me being such a deadbeat and I was annoyed at her frustration. I've had a couple of less intense fights with friends too. I just wasn't handling the MS very well. Not sure if I've improved any.
For me the hardest part is the whole head thing. My lousy memory, lack of concentration, the feeling sometimes, that my head is made out of Jello, that I'm going to be space cadet, zombie woman, forever. Like yesterday, when a simple trip to the drug store made me feel like a totally incompetent twit. OK enough of that.

I woke up to the sounds of our friendly neighbourhood woodpecker. He's so ambitious, out there every morning, drilling away at that tree in the back of my house. Been doing that for over a month now. The tree must be awfully full of bugs, which isn't so good.

Nice to hear from the tech guys this morning .Things are looking good on the website. Now It's my turn to get busy promoting it. The latest house project, stripping an old door, will have to be put on hold for a bit. Actually it's a very easy house project since the original paint was applied over old shellac and never adhered properly. It's all coming off with me just using a small scraper. The door underneath looks good. Why was it ever painted ?

Right now I have to get in touch with somebody to test all the Pay Pal buttons on the website.
So that's all the whining for today.

MS blog. Are you a blessing or a curse ?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I Can Relate

I decided to revisit that article about chronic fatigue( ME) by Keith Kahn Harris .
The link is in my Monday post. . There are parallels to MS.

Here's an excerpt :

"With my failed attempts to live a normal life, I was in many ways fulfilling social expectations of what it means to be a good patient. Think of Jane Tomlinson, who, despite terminal cancer, spent the years before her death last year engaged in heroic athletic challenges. Tomlinson was and is widely admired for never giving in and for pushing herself, and in 2007 she received a CBE for her efforts. She is an example of what our society expects: that illness should be fought. Yet while this model is appropriate for some people, it cannot work for everyone or for every type of illness. With ME you cannot run a marathon.

But many people assume ME is an illness to be combated like any other. Long tagged with the disparaging "yuppie flu" label, there is enormous ignorance of what it is and what patients go through. Although an estimated 240,000 people in the UK suffer from ME, its effects are chronic and invisible. Symptoms include extreme fatigue, muscle pain, sleep difficulties and memory problems. About 25% of sufferers are housebound or bed-bound. ME is often accompanied by isolation and prejudice. The prognosis for ME sufferers is varied; some recover fully, but many do not. Even in its milder forms, ME can devastate lives and destroy" careers."

I often have to deal with isolation and prejudice . Mostly at work and to some degree with family and friends. It's partly my own fault.I can't handle being around people sometimes.

Next week is ME awareness week.

Now I have to catch up with postcards. Have some going to Japan , Estonia and Finland.

A Bit of Nostalgia

Thought I would do this early today before I forget what I wanted to write about.
Maybe it isn't good to be nostalgic. A sign of old age creeping up ? Regardless here goes:

The past few nights I have picked up on an old habit of leaving the radio on when I go to bed. I'm off work and my son is doing a night shift for a temp job, so I can indulge. I don't have it on too loud, it's background music, mostly classical.

This goes back to when I was a girl. I was a sickly kid, never got through a winter without a mega bout of pneumonia or bronchitis. My mother says she was always afraid I would stop breathing and she worried about me being alone in my room. Her solution was to prop me up on the couch with loads of pillows and blankets. She would rub a ton of Vick's Vapo Rub, on me and
then give me a stiff shot of brandy or creme de menthe. I remember the unusual liquor bottle . It was divided into 3 sections, one with white creme de menthe, one with green, and the other with brandy. Marie Brizzard, that was the brand. I don't think it's around anymore. I liked the white best because it tasted like a candy cane.
Miracle I'm not an alcoholic. What with her shoving me full of booze, the Italian relatives pushing homemade wine on me, and the French Canadian relatives letting me drink beer.
Well that's a topic for another day. I barely drink at all now. The last time being a couple of glasses of champagne at New Year's.

Back to my couch sick bed. Once I was all set up on the couch my mother would put music on her record player, one of her prized possessions. I'm sure if there had been a fire that's the one thing she would have saved. She had a set of LP's " Candle Light and Wine" all of it romantic classical music. So there I would be, wheezing, reeking of menthol and and alcohol, listening to Chopin and Rachmaninoff . I don't remember anything else, just falling asleep to the music.

Now I'm lazy,so instead of bothering with cd's or mp3's, I just listen to the classical station on the radio and I don't stink of home remedies ( they were good ) .

It was nice to wake up in the middle of the night and hear piano music instead of my dumb neighbour's barking dog.

Now it's time to get back to the present.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Wish I Could Get a Paint Job

Hooray ! The kitchen is finished. I did the last of the touch up paint and put back all the nice clean knick knacks. It's still the same old kitchen, a little brighter, fresher looking . Only wish a paint job would work for me. I could use some freshening myself.

Must do a post on painting tips soon.

Have to laugh at the pundits talking against a gas tax cut .That's a first. All the years I've worked in tax, never thought I would hear it, ever. Oh don't lower taxes, because people will go out and buy more gas. Isn't that economic stimulus? Isn't that the justification for all tax cuts ? So you have more money to go out and buy stuff ?

Meanwhile the guys where I work are in the news for spending $44,000 on a toilet .
And somebody is making big bucks from the food crisis
And Oil

I'm too tired to go for a walk tonight. Think I'll goof around on the computer for awhile and then watch Martial Arts Monday ( seems like I just did that , time flies)

Good article in the Guardian about chronic fatigue . I have to agree. The same could be said for MS.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

No Thanks

Today I have aged another 100 hundred years . Didn't think it was possible to be even more tired than I was yesterday. It is so.

I decided to flop on the couch for awhile drink some tea, do a crossword , and let the Advil kick in.
So what do you think was the topic for the crossword ? "Understanding MRI's" It's true, I'm not making it up. Decided to take a pass on that one.

Think this is about the limit for my blog today.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Paint Job

Today I feel like a hundred year old lady who's been run over by a truck.

I managed to get most of the kitchen painted yesterday with only the trim left to do and a bit of touch up. Thank goodness the ceiling only needed one coat !

In my past life (pre MS and younger) I would have kept painting well into the night to get it all finished, stopping only for food and tea breaks. No way can I do that now and really I did far too much . I hit the wall around 4:00 and just couldn't do another thing except throw a couple of steaks on the barbecue for dinner. My son had a night shift, so I felt like I had to stuff him with some protein before he left ( mother's guilt).

Now I'm up but I really do feel like I want to go back to bed. I never do that though because lying in bed reminds me too much of being in the hospital. I also have a bad habit when I'm lying there of thinking only morbid thoughts ( my life is pointless etc.)

Carole's new mantras : " I must not be so ambitious" " I must not take on so much"" I must pace myself" " I must relax and not feel so guilty" " I must accept I'm not the woman I use to be"

That last one is tough.

Once I fortify myself with a few cups of tea I'll do just a bit of the trim. Just a bit.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Bad timing

What a day.

I decided to walk to Canadian Tire to get paint. My son was with me to carry everything, so why not combine exercise and shopping.

Got back home and started tearing the kitchen apart. Then I get an E mail from the tech guys asking if I would go back and do a little more site building before they set up the Pay Pal stuff.
Gee ! I thought they had enough to keep them busy for a few days .That's why I planned to take advantage of the lousy weather and do the kitchen. So I finish the scraping, sanding and patching, take a break, and then work on the website . It only took me about an hour to get it into shape .
I'll just have to wait and hear tomorrow if my additions are OK. Actually this Online Site Builder, is getting easy to use.

Now at least I have a good reason to be tired, but I really wish I didn't have this funny twitch in the back of my leg.

It's always something.

Painting and take out food tomorrow . Lucky my kitchen is small.

Painting vs YouTube

Why! Oh why! did I have to discover You Tube. By discover I mean actually use it.
I had avoided it thinking it was just a silly waste of time (which it is).

It happened last night while I was doing a search for Shaw brothers movies, looking for a 10 pack special a friend told me about. My movie addiction is much worse since I got this new TV.
I accidentally clicked on a link to You Tube, which was a clip from a Bruce Liang (super kicker) movie. How could I resist, it was from one of my favourite movies of his " My 12 Kung Fu Kicks" Well an hour later I was still watching clips of him , the Five Venoms, and the Wu Tang Clan etc.

Now today I must be good, go to to Canadian Tire , buy paint, start painting my horrible kitchen, must not give in to MS procrastination.

Oh ! but watching people kick each other is so much fun and they do it so well.
More later