Yeah I'm Crazy and Irrational

Can't post any pictures as I'm using my son's laptop, which is photo less. My own computer is acting up . Sure hope I don't need a new one.

Today I really had to fight hard against the depression demons. Cooking, cleaning, walking , talking, gardening, to distract me. Email, blogging, gaming , trying to blot out all the negative thoughts.

I think it's a combination of missing my friends and worrying about work that has me down.
Also missing the old me. Yeah she's gone and she ain't coming back.
And Oh! Man! I'm so tired !

I also realize that when I think I want advice, it isn't true. I just want others to go along with whatever I say. I want them to agree with all my crazy irrational ideas ( like quitting my job) and I don't want to hear any logical comments ( don't quit your job).

Perhaps tonight is a good night for a sleeping pill. Haven't had one for ages, in fact all the time I've been off. It's a cop out I know, but my head is swimming with a million thoughts, few good ones.

If it doesn't rain again tomorrow(record precipitation this summer) I'll go for a swim
Maybe the cold water will knock some sense into me or at least freeze my brain.

First Outdoor Swim

Too many ugly grey envelopes in the mail today . Those kooks where I work have now sent my doctor 3 separate requests for the same information . I think it's "covering their backsides " time .My manager also sent me an e mail filled with many "buts" and "howevers", meaning she's not planning to do squat for me.

Decided to lock in my mortgage before the rates go up again and pay off my debts . It won't really cut into my equity all that much . I've already cut up 2 credit cards and will never, ever, get mixed up in one of those don't pay for a year deals again.

Had my first outdoor swim of the summer this evening. The water was cool, but it felt great . Not crowded either, so there was plenty of room to do a few laps and float around with a pool noodle. If the weather is mild this weekend I might be brave and go during the day. Never thought I would have to avoid the sun and heat . I use to be such a sun worshiper .

Tomorrow is Farmers Market in the morning. Maybe they will have Raspberries. Yummy !