FATIGUE

 FATIGUE !! Yes in big fat capital letters.  I'm not yelling; I can't, because I'm too tired. Yet tired isn't the right word. Wasted seems more appropriate, and lassitude : "Languor","disinclination to exert or interest oneself".
I'm disinclined because I don't like starting things and not finshing them. Too many half completed projects, stuff piling up, jobs postponed, makes me edgy, makes me feel like a failure.

But what can I do?  If  I sit quietly  and watch a movie, I am so aware of how weak I feel. I get up, start doing something, and  become  even more aware of how weak I really am. I do my job and after a couple of hours; lose my concentration, feel like the life is sucked out of me. I know if I put in a full day, that my evening will be a complete waste and I'll be back on the couch watching a movie. And around and around I go.

There are no words to describe what a crappy feeling it is.

I avoid those who tell me to perk up, take more vitamins tell me I'm feeling sorry for myself, or that I'm lazy etc. etc.  You know; maybe I would be friendlier if you would just  quit bugging me. What ever happened to being there for someone, just being there. 

Now I feel disinclined to go on with this post because it serves no purpose.  That doesn't mean I'm giving up
No, I'll keep going. I just need to take lots of breaks and I hate that.

Canada Is OK

This morning I was getting my usual international news fix from BBC World.  There was much discussion of the austerity measures in Europe. I thought I was hearing things when a critic of the British plan complimented Canada (and Sweden) for sound fiscal management. Yeah that's why out of all  the big economies Canada is doing OK.

It sure was a different story a few years ago when Canada, was mocked for having too much state intervention in the banking sector. The Liberal government of the time was harshly critisized for not allowing bank mergers and all the other crap that now has most countries in a tailspin. The mantra just a few short years ago was" let  government get out of the way of business so they can  do what they must to make money" Gee that didn't work out so great did it? 

I remember the Wall Street Journal describing Canada as a" bankrupt third world country" Oh Canada with your socialized medicine and your welfare state. You pot smoking gay commies!! You are headed straight to hell!

  If this is hell , stoke the fires, and let us burn, because it feels pretty good.


Britain is going to cut half a million public sector jobs.  Where exactly are these people going to find jobs and how is that going to improve Britain's economy ? Yeah put on your fast food uniform and do your bit to help
your country.  

Last week I voted in favour of a new work contract. A modest raise and another day off. Not bad considering whats going on elsewhere in the world.  I'm just glad I'm hanging in,  can still work, and still have a job.

In November I'm going to a conference about  CCSVI and MS. I was invited by the hospital In Albany, NY where I signed up for clinical trials. Don't know what else there is to talk about but I'm willing to listen.

Wonder Why I'm Cynical?

What a way to start my morning reading this  article in the Toronto Star.

Oh MS Society!! What will you do now that even your board members are going overseas to have CCSVI surgery, while you side with others to deny Canadian  MS patients this very thing!!.  

You have lost your credibility. 

Garlic Thanksgiving

What a beautiful Thanks giving weekend! The weather sunny and mild, perfect for walking AND no need for cooler packs !!  I managed to climb the 165 stairs from the harbour trail to the street. OK I needed lots of breaks, but I did it.

My turkey and pumpkin pie turned out great if I am allowed to compliment myself. The only downer was yesterday with  me dropping the remaining pie and breaking my good ceramic baking dish. I drop things all the time and with ceramic tile floors that means lots of broken dishes. I don't know if that's an MS thing. I do know that my hands aren't as strong as they use to be.

I did as Mr. Carrot asked; planted some garlic bulbs.  Looking  forward to my crop next summer, even if I'm not looking forward to the hot humid weather.  Yes this summer was a challenge. I would never have survived without air conditioning, which worries me. What happens when I can no longer afford the electric bill that is going up more and more?

My last  bill for August and September was a real whopper. We have a new billing system called "Peak Saver" where they give you a chart showing "peak"" mid peak" and "off peak" hours.  "Peak" costs twice as much as "off peak". That's fine if you want to save money running certain appliances, like using the dishwasher after 9:00 p.m. The air conditioner usually runs during peak time and less during off peak.  That means big bucks to stay cool. In future it may be necessary to lobby for a discount to those of us who really need air conditioning to survive?

Now some of you might say that cool air is a luxury, not a necessity, but I'm telling you that the heat  was a killer for me this summer.  The only way I could go out for a walk was if I my clothes were stuffed with cold packs.  Even then there were some days when I just couldn't do it. Forget about going out mid day; impossible, unless you want an ambulance picking me up. Yeah that's how bad it is.

OK so now winter is coming and I will have the heating bill to complain about. Are there any places in the world with moderate temperatures?

So Much Art

Here's a few shots from the James Street Mega Art Crawl and Nuit Blanche in Toronto. I needed a few days to recover after each event (more on the return of super fatigue later). Soul food does me good and what better soul food than art? Huge murals and fire were the themes that stood out most. There was a multi media event at Toronto city hall featuring Neil Young and many other musicians  in  "Later That Night  At the Drive In" The crowds were so massive though, I couldn't get any photos. Good to know an old guy like him can still rock and sound fresh.

Everybody wants to be Michaelangelo!!

A cut out!!

Another Mr. Carrot!!