Thursday, October 28, 2010

FATIGUE

 FATIGUE !! Yes in big fat capital letters.  I'm not yelling; I can't, because I'm too tired. Yet tired isn't the right word. Wasted seems more appropriate, and lassitude : "Languor","disinclination to exert or interest oneself".
I'm disinclined because I don't like starting things and not finshing them. Too many half completed projects, stuff piling up, jobs postponed, makes me edgy, makes me feel like a failure.

But what can I do?  If  I sit quietly  and watch a movie, I am so aware of how weak I feel. I get up, start doing something, and  become  even more aware of how weak I really am. I do my job and after a couple of hours; lose my concentration, feel like the life is sucked out of me. I know if I put in a full day, that my evening will be a complete waste and I'll be back on the couch watching a movie. And around and around I go.

There are no words to describe what a crappy feeling it is.

I avoid those who tell me to perk up, take more vitamins tell me I'm feeling sorry for myself, or that I'm lazy etc. etc.  You know; maybe I would be friendlier if you would just  quit bugging me. What ever happened to being there for someone, just being there. 

Now I feel disinclined to go on with this post because it serves no purpose.  That doesn't mean I'm giving up
No, I'll keep going. I just need to take lots of breaks and I hate that.

6 comments:

Richard_D said...

Well said. I've been there and done that. My son once told me that I should get up and get some exercise. My response to him was,"when was it that you had a frontal lobotomy, you're in a freakin coma . . . wake up!?"
I agree, I'm not a happy person either. Screw these dim wits. I want to know how to give them empathy without giving them the disease or condition that I have.
I do want you to know that I have had some success with a drug called Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN). No, I'm not healthy but I don't get sick with everything the grand-kids come in with.
Look it up, it might help a bit.

Peace Be With You said...

I have posted several poems about fatigue. Here's one I wrote earlier this year about this very same subject:

Chronic exhaustion,
sheer unadulterated
tired to the bone.

Those who never felt
this level of exhaustion
cannot understand.

Even a year’s sleep
could not make up for the loss.
It is that severe.

Judy

Spiny Tim said...

Me, too... to be able to surrender to the reality of ms fatigue in spite of what others think would be a great talent. And yet, something inside whispers to me: You are heroic! You fight monsters no one else can even imagine!

Jodi said...

I'm right there with you. My brain is tired, my body is tired, everything is exhausted! Fatigue sucks! Hang in there. I know I am looking forward to resting a lot this weekend.

mlinauer said...

I hate that too about MS. I try to sit uo in my wheel chair and I just get so tired after 10 minutes. What I am trying to say is that I can relate.

Taxingwoman said...

Hi! to all of you

I appreciate your comments even if it makes me a little sad that we are all in the same predicament
Judy that is an excellent poem