Friday, September 26, 2008

Up, Down, All Around

Like the financial markets and the weather, it's been an up and down sort of week for me. The Amantadine, I will say once again, works, yet the effect is very uneven. I can have a good morning followed by a not so great afternoon. The evenings are slightly better allowing me to stay up later. Instead of wanting desperately to go to bed by 8:00 p.m. I'm feeling that way at 10:00. I still took a sick day off work on Tuesday, and went in late on Thursday, which I'm not happy about. Not much I can do when my body simple refuses to cooperate so that even walking down the stairs is an effort. Fortunately I have some money in the bank. The unpaid leave is really starting to hit my paycheck . When I go for my health assessment next week I'm going to push hard to get tele work. I think it's the answer to allow me to keep working.

It's hard to explain to people how tiring it is to go into the office everyday. There's never a moment of peace and even breaks aren't restful. Everywhere I go there are people milling about. I try to close my eyes for a few moments and sure enough that's when somebody will pop up at my desk wanting something. I'm told I can use the "quiet room" to rest, but Oh! what a hassle that is. It's like trying to get admitted to the hospital and I really don't want a fuss around me when I'm tired and I don't really want to lie down in a dark room either.

Then there's the getting ready for work and the getting there part. Hey I'd like to go to work in my robe and slippers, with my hair in a ponytail, and no make up, only my vanity won't allow it.
I do dress much more casual these days, don't bother with accessories, don't fuss with my hair, and have toned down my shoes, which is as much as I'm willing to let go for now. I'm already having to give up so much with MS, can't I at least still have my mascara? Silly Libra vanity I know. Can't help it.

They do have a job lined up at work for me that would be ideal for tele work. I'm so superstitious even just writing about it makes me think I'm jinxing myself. That's Catholic /Italian/French Canadian , brainwashing from years go that's still in me. Yes Italians and French Canadians are a very superstitious lot. I remember when I was pregnant, my mother, who is a very intelligent lady, covered my eyes when we passed by a person in a wheelchair. She believed that if I looked at the person it would be bad luck and harm the baby. On both sides of the family they always talk about good luck, bad luck, omens, signs, curses, spirits, fate, etc. etc. I try to tell myself it's all nonsense,

Got a letter from the doctor today about more tests on October 16th, which I have no clue what that's about. Have to wait and check on Monday as the office closes early on Friday. Maybe over the weekend I'll remember exactly what the doctor wants to probe next. Once I get my assessment done I think that's going to be it for me with the tests. What the heck good do they do ?


Diane J Standiford said...

Telecommuting kept me working 40+/hrs a week for 5 years longer than I could have kept my job. I was blessed/lucky/whatever---yes, a 62 story downtown bldg and nowhere for a quiet break! People, well meaning, BUT, kept finding me. Getting ready, using a restroom, became so time consuming, it as hell. Tele is the answer, buys you time.

Taxingwoman said...

You see Diane you get it !
Wish you were on that team doing my assessment.