Monday, November 2, 2009

Feeling Guilty

OK. You may think this post adolescent and/or tell me to ask an advice columnist.
Hey! What's the point of having a blog if I can't use to sort out some of my dilemmas, even if those dilemmas are no big deal in comparison to big problems all around me? Age does not always bring wisdom and I find myself confronted with situations that are no different than ones I faced in kindergarten. AND I know there is loads of free advice out there, so feel free to post a comment, even if it is simply to tell me to grow up.

Do you ever find yourself starting a friendship with a person only to find as you get to know them, that you don't really like the individual? There is a saying "the less you know a person, the more you like them". It's not so easy to tell a person to buzz off or cut ties, especially when that person has been kind when others didn't care.

Yet I find that certain people thrive on helping others, not so much because they want you to feel better but because it makes them feel better. I also dislike that this results in the person claiming bragging rights "Oh if it weren't for me you would be a mess" and "you have this and that and it's all thanks to me". They also like to remind you constantly about how caring and compassionate they are.

What I would like to do is tell this person "Yes I am grateful, you did help me, only now I feel you are holding me ransom to that help. How long to I have to go on paying you back? You are a good person, however I find your constant bragging and constant need of compliments very draining. Yes you do good in the community and you have a big heart, yet why do you have this need to always tell everyone, all the time about it? Why must you always tell me how much you paid for everything you own?" Remind me all the time of how you live in a ritzy neighbourhood and everyone is jealous of that. You think that is why you don't have any friends, because people are jealous of you, when in fact they are just so fed up and really don't want to hear how your expensive designer sunglasses were stolen or your that your husband bought you an expensive designer watch, or that you just won another award for your good works."

Nah, I may as well face the truth. I will never say those things. I just can't be that cruel. Perhaps I'm also afraid that I will be confronted with my own annoying faults and I can't handle it. Meanwhile, I still have a buddy that I don't really want.

I also have a fair weather friend and a relative I don't get along with who is in jam, but that will have to wait for another time.


Herrad said...

HAi Carole,
Good post, agree with you.
Ofdten really difficult to resolve as like you I hate to upset.

Taxingwoman said...

Thanks Herrad !

Joan said...

Hello Carole! I am catching up on blog posts, and LOVED this one. I have a sister who I simply don't like. She sounds just like your "friend": always bragging about herself and in need of constant stroking. If I don't tell her how special she is, she'll go crying to mommy. And she's 53 years old!

This type of person sucks all my energy, yet I can't simply ignore a relative. So thanks for sharing this post - I don't feel alone in my guilt.


Taxingwoman said...

Hi! Joan Yeah a relative would be much harder to deal with Glad you liked the post