News, Big and Small

I have added My Wife Has MS blog to my list of links. Interesting to read a partner's view of life with someone who has MS. I'm sorry to see that Anne has deleted her blog, Disabled Not Dead. I thought she had wanted to keep it as an information source and a valuable one it was.

Have read several news stories about the rise in candy and chocolate sales. People want a treat in bad times. This is good news for my son, who has a new part time job working in a candy factory. I don't know why they call it a part time job when the shifts are 11 hours.He still works at the pasta factory, one night per week.
I'll be glad when the school term is over as I think he's taken on too much. He is mostly likely annoyed reading this. Teenagers can't handle mother love.

Also in the news. I never in my life thought I would agree with Newt Gingrich, about the bailout mess. Life keeps getting stranger. Notice AIG has removed their sign on the headquarters building ? Guess they are getting worried they might get kidnapped like the boss in France, or attacked like they bank boss in England.

Also I was totally disgusted with Fox news and their ridicule of Canadian troops in Afghanistan. Yes you dummies Canada, is in Afghanistan, and four of our soldiers died there this past week. I'm not in favour of them being there, but I will defend them, just as you defend your own. Any wonder the world thinks so little of America ?

I'm home today. Feeling a bit better now, after a rotten evening last night and a not so great sleep. The usual tingling pain mess.It didn't help yesterday that a meeting was canceled after me rearranging my schedule to attend. What is it with people that they don't check their own agenda properly before they make appointments, or is it that they simply don't care?

Have to get back to writing my report for work a.k.a.: The ridiculous soap opera that has become my job.

Big Brother Insurance

A disturbing news story from World Focus. Sorry I only have the video link

Insurance companies in Australia, are denying customers health insurance based on information from genetic tests. The head of the insurance association there, really made me angry with his comments. The fact that it was only a few people out of thousands who were denied insurance . So it's OK to screw people as long as it isn't too many. How many is that?

I will call this week stupid week because of all the dumb things I did, ending with the police calling me. They asked me to come pick up my work ID and security card at cop shop headquarters . Some kind person found it on the street and turned it in.
At least they didn't assume my identity and do crazy things while pretending to be me.

Bigger Not Better

Have been neglecting my blog this week as I have too many other writing projects.
Never thought standing up for my rights would involve so much writing. Endless letters, forms, memos, emails and reports. It's getting close to the dead line for management to make a decision,one way or the other.

A couple of news stories about drug company mergers this week. Have to go searching for the links as I have lost them. Merck-Schering and Roche-Genentech. To me this is not good news.I don't think bigger is better and the conspiracy theorist in me believes that these mergers are just a way to stifle competition and do nothing to promote better treatments. Look for layoffs too, as they cut costs to cover the debt needed to pay for these mergers.

I'm experimenting with energy boosting drinks to help me get through the work day.
In the early afternoon I drink one tin of a 100 calorie drink that contains 75mg of caffeine, guarine, and B vitamins. Now before you start to tut tut. I only drink this on work days and I always limit myself to one per day. I'm not a coffee drinker and I drink caffeine free tea in the evenings. To tell the truth, it works much better than the anti fatigue drugs I was taking and doesn't have the lousy side effects.Considering I use to drink 3 to 4 diet colas everyday that didn't work that great and contained that poison aspartame, this is not a big deal. I'm also not collapsing in the evening the way I use too. I'll update next week. Hoping this is a temporary measure.

Had grim news from the dentist. No matter what alternative he suggests to fix my teeth, they all involve unpleasantness and big wads of cash.

At least I did bake an excellent skillet apple pie. You peel and slice apples,I chose Empires, and mix them with some apple cider or apple juice. I used an organic juice only because it was the smallest container I could find at the supermarket. They only sell the regular stuff in humongous containers and I don't drink apple juice. You add a bit of lemon juice to stop the apples going brown. Next you saute the apples in some butter, keeping the juice aside and add then it to the pan after a couple of minutes. You then throw in some brown sugar and maple syrup . Let all that cook a couple more minutes, top it with an unbaked pie crust and bake it in the skillet till the crust is golden brown. Served warm you have this yummy sauce that you can spoon on to the crust when you serve it. A little whipped cream and that is one fantastic dessert. I justify eating it because I was told dieting in the winter leaves you more susceptible to colds and flu.

A man survives the Falls

Well, back to writing the work opus.

Open Sesame !

Yesterday I bought another makeup compact. The same as the one I smashed a couple of weeks ago when I couldn't figure out how to open it. It really is very good make up, based on the remnants left after I totally destroyed the container. This time I figured out how to open it !
I know Ellen DeGeneres will never read my blog, but stranger things have happened, so here goes.
Dear Ellen :You're right, that make up you plug really is amazing. Just one thing. Could you tell the maker to at least show the compact opened the correct way? You see, in the ad, they show the lid for it flipping up, when in fact,it's a screw top. It's even more confusing that the compartment for the sponge does flip open . It would save me so much time and money, to not have to fiddle around thinking I need to flip the top open, then give up in frustration and smash the whole works. This is especially true at 6:00 a.m., when I'm getting ready to go to a place I really don't want to go to (work) and even with my glasses on I can't figure out how to open this silly package. This makes me feel vain and foolish,that I waste my time even putting on make up. Hey ! I'm an old school girl and brainwashed to believe that I must keep making the effort to look good.

So please Ellen, tell those guys that they must not confuse tired older women, who have lots on their plate to deal with, and don't need any extra frustrations. Oh yeah Ellen, one more thing . You're looking good in that ad, but then I guess somebody else put the make up on for you, so you didn't know about the kooky container.


Speaking of work. I have a serious case of the guilts. I watched a new story on t.v. about the impact of the unemployment figures on real people. They interviewed an entire family that was out of work. Mom and Dad, who had the same job for 30 years. Their children, who one by one, have lost jobs or have had their hours cut back. One young women down to 5 hours per week, which isn't much of a job. Is it? On top of that, they don't have any health care now.


Here I am with my crummy situation at work, yet I still have a job and a good paying one at that. I don't have to worry about paying the to the doctor bill either. At the same time it doesn't give my employer the right to take advantage of me during difficult times. Sure, I could be on the street or working at a sub shop (yeah I'm still not over that comment) then again,they aren't so special that the same thing couldn't happen to them. If I fall, they fall too. You can't be a manager, if you don't have anybody to manage. So stop acting smug and do your duty. Or am I thinking like a Communist, believing that those who produce are more valuable than those who oversee them?

Time to get back to the cooking marathon. The way I'm feeling and with daylight savings to get use to, I need to have food ready for during the week Otherwise we might end up eating subs all week .

Zero Patience

Know a good way to open a make up compact when you can't figure out how it opens?
Smash it on the floor. Yeah that's what I did and it worked. OK, it is broken now and I did waste some of the make up. I think I'm so fed up with things not working, and excuses, and everything, that my patience is shot.

So it's smashing time, as the kids in the movie "Hope and Glory" use to say. This is old lady make up,or as my young co worker refers to us "mature women"(thanks for the compliment,now go away) Don't these companies realize that I can't see that great in the morning,I'm rushing, and I really don't have time to fiddle with a silly container.

Had some good news today at work but I can't tell yet. Soon

Barbie is fifty today. That really makes me feel mature.

Interesting news story in The Independent today. The former head of MI5 stated that governments are using the threat of terrorism to curb civil liberties. I know that we are overly concerned at my office with security. You can barely move without needing a key or an electronic pass to get around. We have keys for cabinets with keys. I have a dozen pass words in order to use all the systems and have to change them every couple of months. The computer keeps track of every password I have used in the past and won't allow me to use them again. We can't send external email or use the internet, only the approved intra net. It gets very tiresome.

Good line in the Kung Fu movie tonight "Sorry to tell you this, but you must die"

Poor Blog

Poor blog I've been neglecting it. I've been indulging in my postcard hobby and Oh! so nice to be able to walk on the streets with no snow or ice. Above is a shot of the steel mill, which use to be Canadian, was bought by Acelor(France), which was bought by Mitaal(India) and then by Rio Tinto(Brazil). Now ChinaAlco, is buying up Rio Tinto, shares, because they are broke.All this in the space of a year.Crazy globalism
My son mentioned that even though steel production is way down, tin is way up. Why?
People are buying more canned food due to rising food prices and the recession. That's sad,although it is keeping the mill busy and workers employed. There have been so many layoffs.The plant where my son has a part time job has cut an entire day of production and cut staff.

My shopping trip to Toronto on Saturday was enjoyable,with a super fast commute.I took the 6:20 bus home and was in my house changing clothes,by 7:07. If it was always like thatI would never have transferred from Toronto.Then I remember those awful rush hour commutes,of 90 minutes and even 2 hours. No way do I want to go through that again.I have said this many times.We need a dedicated bus lane on the highway.That will never happen because the car is still king around here,so we are left with a half assed public system. When it works it's brilliant, when it doesn't,it's a nightmare.

Been a week now since I quit the Amantadine. I can't say that I notice any difference. The main reason I started taking it was to help me get through the work day and avoid taking so many days off.That didn't happen.I have taken a record number of sick days the past couple of months,therefore I see no point in continuing on a drug that had minimal effect. The side effects were not that big a deal but enough of a nuisance to be glad they are gone. What drug next? I don't know Right now I need to concentrate on losing a few pounds,well more than a few, several. The days are getting longer and if this decent weather holds up I'll be able to do some longer walks and not be worried about falling.
Can't give a work update right now except to say things are moving along.It really hit the fan last week, which is a good thing. I should have some news by the end of this week. Not that I'm holding my breath.

Laundry !

You know times are strange when I can get excited about doing laundry.

Finally the washing machine I bought a month ago is working properly. I feel vindicated too.
The repair guy kept insisting over the phone that: 1. the machine wasn't balanced properly (it was) 2. It wasn't hooked up properly(it was) 3. I didn't understand how to use a front loading machine(what's there to know ?) Turns out the circuit board was faulty and had to be replaced
Now the machine works like a charm ! I'm saving the old board to go along with the old computer hard drive and some other bits and pieces of tech garbage. I might make a sculpture ?"tech fail"?

Have to face it, the doctor is right, I'm having a relapse. Heavy tingling in my hands, wonky balance,twitches, tremors, and sparkly in my right eye. I'm also making more and more spelling mistakes, and not just when I type. It happens when I write too. I don't seem to be able to put the letters in the right order. It made me cry, because I think what a fool I am to have believed that my MS was going away and that maybe I would never have another attack.

Talked with my union rep. today. She claims she is pushing ahead to get me tele work. She too is frustrated with the delay of the Health Canada report. She also noticed I was a bit unsteady on my feet. Progress? I'm not sure. Who knows what goes on behind the scenes. I know when I was a union steward years ago, I was always uncomfortable with how cosy the upper echelons of the union were with management. Still though, the union would get a boost if it were successful to get me tele work So many people want it and would benefit from it. Just hope I don't go bankrupt in the meantime.

Now I have to go check out Wellsphere and see what it's all about. I'll comment tomorrow if I have the energy.

It's Over

Here's the latest photo of my friend who lives in the South West. Oh how I miss him.

The holiday is over and it's back to work tomorrow. The pies, cakes, cream puffs, and chocolates have all been eaten. Time to get back to eating healthy stuff. I have my fruit, veg, and water packed for lunch and I baked oat muffins for breakfast.

Lots of frustration and disappointment these past couple of weeks. Why can't people live up to their promises or at least admit it when they can't. Is a phone call that big a deal ? Here we are with a dozen different ways to communicate instantly with others and yet it seems to be more difficult to do it.

The next three months are going to be a challenge. I have used up all my vacation time and sick time . There are no long weekends or holidays till Easter. This has never happened to me before. It wasn't that long ago that I always had leave credits to spare. Weeks and weeks of sick time and at least a few vacation days to make it through the winter.
Guess I'll have to take lots of naps to make to the new fiscal year in April.

My new washer doesn't work, it's a lemon. I may end up getting a replacement . I told the store manger's assistant, that I don't want another front loading machine. They're too finicky,too easily unbalanced. We wasted a few good hours trying to set it up so that it would remain stable Built a platform for it , no good, took it off the platform and moved it to the flatest spot on the concrete floor and adjusted the "legs " snug . It was perfectly level and straight .I checked it up and down with my level. It was solid enough,I doubt an elephant could have moved it and yet the silly thing just wouldn't continue spinning. I tried everything suggested in the manual. End result is my hands are sore from wringing out soggy clothes. Ahh, so many hours wasted on so called time saving conveniences .

Time for a shower and the Opera show. Thank goodness there are small pleasures to smooth over all the crap.

I was looking over my blog. January 16 th It will be a year I've been blogging. I don't know why I thought I started it in March 2008. Where did those three months go ?

I'm going to read the whole thing over and do a summary on anniversary day.

Credit Munch

OK I ripped off the title of my post from the Independent.
It's been a sucking weekend. No comment except to say I'm feeling better tonight and I'm looking forward to being off on Tuesday. Who knows maybe I'll even be able to put in a full paid week. Sad that I push my life away, but these days it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Anyway enough of my whining, here's an article about the rise in lunch box sales. Everyone is getting into taking a packed lunch to work and not just a baloney sandwich and banana. No people are getting imaginative with their lunches.

I make a lunch everyday. Mostly things I can nibble on like pieces of cheese, veggies, fruit and a couple of cookies. We do have a decent lunch room and several mini kitchens at work. My new routine is to go to the lunch room after the mid day rush. I crash out on one of the lounge chairs for twenty minutes or so. The lady I sit next to now at work is cool and doesn't make a big deal about me going for a brain break. It helps get me through the day. I'm still extremely tired when I get home in the afternoon. This weekend it took the full two days to recover. Oh ! can I keep going ? I suppose I have no choice . I'm hoping for some resolution of my work situation by the end of November.

I know it sounds odd for me to say that I'm enjoying the early darkness and cooler temperatures. I find it relaxing.

While I'm on the topic of food Here's an interesting program at St Anne's hospital for veterans.
They are able to make some very appetizing looking food for patients with dysphagia ( difficulty chewing and swallowing) Looks like the real thing yet is easy to eat. Check out the photo of one of the meals. I ran across this while checking some information for Remembrance day Nov. 11.
I'll be doing a post about it then.

It Could Be Something Else

Read here about another autoimmune illness which is often misdiagnosed as MS. The common thread in all of these illnesses seems to be fatigue and depression.

I was home again today. It's getting ridiculous how much time I take off work. Can't help it, I feel like a rag doll, even too tired to play Spore ! My foot is messed up again. When I got up this morning I couldn't even stand on it it was so swollen and sore. It's better now. Have to try and limit my walking for the next couple of days, which is hard to do. On work days (when I'm there) I like going out for a walk on my breaks and lunch. It clears my head.

Time to watch World Focus, a new program on PBS . I like that they have a variety of sources for their news stories ranging from mainstream media, to Al Arabiya and The Christian Science Monitor

I find I have a better world perspective when I get news from a variety of sources. Every media has their bias and I guess I have mine, but I do try to look at different points of view.

Google Goggles could save you from making a fool of yourself. Whenever I write an angry email I save it and look at it again a few hours later. Usually I end up not sending it. Sometimes it just feels good to write it down.

Spore

Ahhh ! Totally addicted to Spore can't control myself. I did at least go for a walk to test out my foot. I'm still limping a bit, but it's much improved. Now it's time to finish my chores and get ready for work tomorrow. Not much to say about my Health Canada appointment, accept that I think I still have a long battle ahead of me. I'd love to say more only the last thing I need is to get hassled for violating confidentiality, even though it seems to be OK for everybody to violate mine

Don't worry I haven't given up .

Just Get On With It

No time today for photos . I was too busy being courted by management and the union today and writing up a report about my work/MS situation. Lots going on that I can't talk about except to say things are heading in a much more positive direction. Now if they would just get on with it and quit all the talking. Oh the bureacratic tribalism of the office!

The Amantadine seems to be working. I feel tired tonight but it is more of a normal, end of the work day kind of tired instead of a zombie, brain dead, tired. I even managed to get out for a walk after dinner. I also notice that it's a little easier to fall asleep as I have less of the twitches.

Tomorrow I have to get myself over to the Farmer's Market to buy what I think will be the last of the summer peaches. The apples are on sale now . I had my first Macs of the season and they taste really good.

I'm all talked out or rather typed out, thanks to all the yakking and writing at work today.

If you really want change vote Green.

Mid Day Report

Mid Day Report only to comment on how tired I am . Doubt I will do any blogging when I get home . My life sucks right now . I carry on. I have no choice.

Here's my mini consumer report:

Clinical strength deodorant really does work and is mild. No dry itchy underarms and no scent. Good stuff, even on a hot day wearing a sleeveless top

After two weeks of visiting the internet cafe at lunch, my conclusion is that the research is right. Personal internet use really is better than going for a walk at lunch time. It clears my head. Employers please allow your workers to have access to outside internet during work hours.

Don't know how to get a good bra fit ? Visit Bravissimo. It's easy and you don't even need a measuring tape. Turns out my bra is too small (no I'm not bragging)

Zip lock bags are a nightmare for me. I give up . I just cut them open with scissors. Who decided that every food item ( even lettuce) should come in those horrible bags ?

That's it time to get back to the snake pit a.k.a Work.

Garbage

Ahhh I feel about 10 kilos lighter today. I haven't lost any weight, my filing cabinet has.
After rummaging around the last couple weeks looking for documents for my lawyer, I realized the secure filing cabinet was becoming a convenient dumping ground for any and all papers. Today I searched every folder in it and did a through culling . Do I really need to keep old pay stubs and gas bills from five years ago ? Normally I'm not a pack rat, but there's something about papers that I feel compelled to keep them around longer than necessary.
I shredded everything and as an added precaution threw the works in a tub of hot water, then mushed it all up before throwing it in the green bin. I know that sounds paranoid. I have a friend who went through a perfect nightmare due to identity theft . The police think the thieves were able to do it from rummaging in her garbage , so I figure the shredding and mushing are worth it to avoid that hassle .

Didn't feel much like walking today even though the weather was nice and I had the day off.
I just feel so tired and weak. Managed to get over to the drug store in the evening which is at least a 40 minute walk there and back. Better than no exercise at all.

Had a funny conversation with the cosmetics lady, about garbage of all things. Not your typical beauty counter talk. All because I told her that I didn't need a plastic bag and woe to me if I did bring one home. My son is anti- plastic and rightly so, only it sure is hard to live without it.
She told me her son is the same way. I laughed when she told me how he checks to see that every little bit of garbage that can go in the recycling or green bin does. She said she gets so fed up with it that her daughter will take a bag of garbage from home to work with her and put it in the dumpster there .
Then the two of us complained about the icky, maggot filled, green bin, and how sick we are of using it. She agreed with me when I said we should just burn the whole works. After that I left , my green bag filled with over packaged items . More junk for me to sort for the recycling.

11:00 p.m already , time for me to get ready for bed and another anxiety filled day at work tomorrow. It sure sucks when others have total control of your life. Which is the way it is for me right now.

Downtown

Here's a couple of shots I took today in Gore Park. Queen Victoria and the fountain.

I was so in the dumps, I decided to go for a walk downtown at lunch " when you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go downtown". Not a bad little park considering that the rest of the downtown is pretty scuzzy. Every new mayor talks about urban renewal and that's it , talk.
Even though right now I'm working with some nice people I feel so isolated at work, like I don't belong, don't fit in. Maybe it's because my future is so uncertain. I keep telling myself things will get better and yet I don't feel it is so. It's only Wednesday of a short week and I'm exhausted.

Besides that ,my son is working the evening shift and I haven't seen him for two days. I really miss him being around and telling me how terrible the world is. It's actually fun to have a nihilist teenager in the house.

I had so many other things I wanted to mention but they have gone completely out of my head.

I did find it cool that despite China filling Beijing, with 100,000 soldiers , 400,000 volunteer security people, arresting and jailing every dissident, and blanketing the city with security cameras, that protesters still managed to unfurl a "Free Tibet" banner right near the Olympic stadium. When will we ever learn that oppression never prevails !

A Butler and A Chauffeur

Sitting in the back of a cab this morning on the way to the hospital, I thought if I ever have a big huge pile of money, I will hire a butler and chauffeur (with car) for each and every person I know with MS. OK even for people I don't know.

Wouldn't it be the answer ? Wake up in the morning to a lovely breakfast on a tray,the morning paper next to it, and a vase with a single rose. The mail on a silver tray presented by Jeeves, the butler, ( what else would he be called) .
Have an MRI that day ? No problem. The chauffeur has the car ready at the front of the house ready to go at a moment's notice. While at the hospital, all the errands are done, chores completed, and a meal prepared. Feeling hot and tired on arriving home? No worries, as a bath has been drawn and fresh clothes laid out on the bed. I could go on and on .

In fact why couldn't the insurance pay for an arrangement like that? What with all the money spent on nurses , carers, wheel trans, drugs, and doctors etc. I'm sure everybody would need less drugs and less medical care if they didn't wear out, struggling to keep themselves and their household in order . I bet if a cost comparison were done, my arrangement would be equal or even less than the current system we have, which is certainly inefficient, not to mention frustrating.

Yeah, Butler and Chauffeur is the way to go . Now if I could just win the lottery or be appointed health minister.

The MRI was a breeze I only needed to be in the machine for twenty minutes. It was a good one too with a mirror inside and music. Even though that crazy MRI is very loud it was nice to hear some Beatles playing in the background. The mirror gives the illusion of being less confined and I'm all for illusions if they help me get through a medical.

I went home after wards as I was still not feeling that good. That's the reason I splurged on a cab, to make sure I kept the appointment no matter how lousy I was feeling.

This evening I'm better so it's work for me tomorrow. If my work situation would only improve there , things would be fine. No doubt, the uncertainty only aggravates my symptoms . It's a Friday before a long weekend, so I'm hoping most of the jerks will be off.
Not much to do this evening and it's way too hot to go out . After the barbecue is done, I'm going to waste some time playing the Sims 2.

Here's a link to that show about brain trauma and the DTI scan.