Friday, March 21, 2008

Better this evening

Tonight I'm feeling a little better. I managed to get out for a walk , did a bit of laundry, some chatting with friends and watched a couple of movies.
Thank goodness there were decent leftovers for dinner.

I don't like to post depressing comments , however I think it's necessary to keep track of what I'm feeling and also when it happens. Maybe that way I can figure it all out and come up with a plan of how to deal with these super down times.

I think part of what I'm feeling is guilt . I feel like I waste so much time because I'm tired. I use to be so busy all the time. It's not that I've lost interest in things or people, I'm just too tired to deal with much. I'm also frustrated because this tiredness doesn't mean I'll get a good night's sleep Not like before when after physical or mental exertion , I could go to bed and just crash out.
Now something either keeps me awake(tingling toes , twitchy hands) or wakes me up ( weird head twitch) and then the worries take over. Why is it at night my worries multiply and seem a thousand times worse ? I get up in the morning and wonder what the heck was I thinking.

Then there's the curse of the sleeping pill dilemma. Oh if only I could take them every night , get knocked out, and wake up feeling good and pain free. But I can't give in, otherwise I will be a sleeping pill junkie , needing more and more . So I stick to one a week , sleeping pill Friday.

At least tomorrow I won't be up at 5:00 am wondering what the meaning of life is .

Thanks to those who had encouraging words today . It does help . I haven't given up . Some days just suck !

2 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Carole, I have been through boats of sleeplessness and insomnia in the past (connected with depression primarily.) And the MS symptoms can make it worse.

I have found that giving myself a week, maybe 2 of consistent/every night use of a sleeping aid when it gets really bad can actually get my body's clock back on track and relieves some of the anxiety with not sleeping well. It is the establishing of a sleeping routine, with medical help when necessary, which gets the mind and body accustomed to sleep and ready to take control later.

There was one spell which took months before my body and mind were back on track. But it is possible and it doesn't make you a sleeping pill junkie.

Taxingwoman said...

Thanks for the suggestions Lisa
I did the two weeks of sleeping pills
trying to establish a sleep routine.
I've tried everything .Part of my problem is pre MS pains.A neck injury and several foot surgeries. Also my Dad's side of the family are all insomniacs.

The most I can get on a good night is about 4 hours sleep.