Tonight I'm feeling a little better. I managed to get out for a walk , did a bit of laundry, some chatting with friends and watched a couple of movies.
Thank goodness there were decent leftovers for dinner.
I don't like to post depressing comments , however I think it's necessary to keep track of what I'm feeling and also when it happens. Maybe that way I can figure it all out and come up with a plan of how to deal with these super down times.
I think part of what I'm feeling is guilt . I feel like I waste so much time because I'm tired. I use to be so busy all the time. It's not that I've lost interest in things or people, I'm just too tired to deal with much. I'm also frustrated because this tiredness doesn't mean I'll get a good night's sleep Not like before when after physical or mental exertion , I could go to bed and just crash out.
Now something either keeps me awake(tingling toes , twitchy hands) or wakes me up ( weird head twitch) and then the worries take over. Why is it at night my worries multiply and seem a thousand times worse ? I get up in the morning and wonder what the heck was I thinking.
Then there's the curse of the sleeping pill dilemma. Oh if only I could take them every night , get knocked out, and wake up feeling good and pain free. But I can't give in, otherwise I will be a sleeping pill junkie , needing more and more . So I stick to one a week , sleeping pill Friday.
At least tomorrow I won't be up at 5:00 am wondering what the meaning of life is .
Thanks to those who had encouraging words today . It does help . I haven't given up . Some days just suck !