Not a good day. I had decided not to go to work this morning then changed my mind. It is bitter cold outside. I thought the walk would wake me up. I got to the office feeling so tired and out of it.
I asked my boss if I could work at home on Tuesday and he agreed. I knew if he had said no I most likely would have called in sick. Sometimes the effort to get there in the morning is just too much.
There was a meeting planned for 10:30 to tour the new area we'll be moving to next week. I went out for a break to the post office around 9:00, when I got back I had already decided I would go home once the tour was over. We were in a group and went up to the 5th floor. I was feeling a bit funny. When we got off the elevator I starting walking with the group to the entrance. Suddenly I felt like the floor was moving under me. I tried to ignore it and then it happened again . I leaned on the wall with my arms up trying to hold on I felt so strange, not dizzy , not like a fainting spell either. I held on and then I felt like everyone and everything had disappeared around me . I heard myself moaning but like it was someone else doing it I heard my boss say something and another person got me a chair I sat there holding my head . I felt feverish and odd. After a few minutes I asked if I could go back to my desk. My boss brought me back and I just sat there stunned. Crying a little, my eyes were all blurry and my head hurt .
After about a half hour , I had recovered enough to go home . My boss didn't offer to call me a cab and didn't seem to care what I did. When I was leaving he said he thought the job was getting to me. I said it didn't have anything to do with it. He disagreed and that was it,I left. When I got home(it's a ten minute walk) I called him just so that he would know I was OK . He didn't seem to care . He really should have been the one calling me and he should never have let me leave without making sure I was all right. What ever, the guy is so overwhelmed by his job I think he's totally unaware of what's going on around him. Lucky for him I made it home safe, otherwise he would have been in serious trouble . I don't care. I was feeling so lousy I just wanted to go.
When I got home I made some tea and crashed on the couch, I watched a movie "The Raven"
I was feverish and right out of it. Now I feel drained , exhausted. I haven't done much all day except a bit of reading and checking email and regular mail.
I think part of my problem is I don't get proper sleep. But how can I sleep when out of nowhere I get stabbing pains in my feet and my leg hurts and then the pains just go away.By then I can't fall back asleep and before you know it it's time to get up. I can't take sleeping pills during the week because they leave me feeling too groggy in the morning. If only I could and if only they weren't addictive. Will they ever come up with a drug that just does what it's supposed to do and not mess me up some other way ?
I also notice the extreme cold affects me almost as badly as extreme heat. Oh! to be able to stay inside and write or do my postcards and not have to worry about going out in the world .
Nah I'm too young to be a hermit.
It's good I'm writing all this down so I can tell the doctor when he asks .
Tonight I watched a t.v. show about lobotomy and how they thought it was a miracle operation in the 1940's and 50's. Didn't even bother to ask people if they wanted one. They just did it.
20 years later they realized that it destroyed people's minds. I wonder if we will find out in 20 years from now that all these miracle drugs we have do the same thing ?