How to deal with MS? I have no idea. Nothing seems to work so far,and I'm leery of doctors,drug therapy,
psycho-therapy, group therapy, support groups and all the other people and things out there that are supposed to help. All of it tiring. Ahh yeah, that is one thing most MS'ers ( is that a good term ?) have in common, fatigue.
Since today I'm feeling less tired,I thought it would be a good day to start a blog about MS and talk about fatigue, which in the Oxford dictionary is described as "weariness from exertion". Only thing is,I can feel weary from doing not much of anything. I find the terms fatigue, tired, weary, exhausted, inadequate. They just don't describe my experience. Like I'm a piece of wilted lettuce. I'm reluctant to start a task because I'll get half way through and be too tired to finish . Any activity of any kind is impossible. Wishing I could hire a butler to do everything and just sit on the couch and watch movies all day, only my eyes are blurry and I'm too tired to watch movies. Like I want to die only I'm too tired to do anything about ( No don't worry I'm not suicidal) The worst was the spring and summer of 2004, before I knew I had MS.
Everyday I would get up and after about an hour want to go back to bed . Not because I felt sleepy, in fact lying down would sometimes be worse ( explanation of why, to be tackled another time).I felt so weak, felt like even the simplest chore was impossible. Conversation was such an effort, making decisions impossible. Over and over in my mind the thought " Oh go away, everyone and everything ,just go away!"
When I finally dragged myself ,that is, when my son dragged me to the doctor's walk clinic,I was like a rag doll. I went there because I had terrible dizzy spells the week before and couldn't get out of bed for two days. I thought dizziness was the result of this unusual fatigue. The doctor thought I had an inner ear problem and referred me to a ear, nose, and throat specialist. That was the beginng of the long journey to now, when I have finally been told I have an appointment at the MS clinic in June. Yeah it's taken awhile but I know other people who have waited much longer to get a diagnosis.
My next entry I think I'll talk about ways of coping with fatigue, which haven't really worked all that great.