fatigue diary

Very very tired this evening. Today I started my fatigue diary, which I picked up at the MS society. Every hour from the time I get up I rate my fatigue , activity, and satisfaction level from 1(lowest) -10 (highest). I add a few notes on what I 'm doing and how I feel . I started off the day pretty good with a rating of 3 and by the end of the work day at 9. Right now I'm about a 6 . Not the best level to be at to blog .

Not sure how long I'm going to keep doing this fatigue diary. I think the purpose is to track what times of the day I feel most tired and try and rest. Not an easy thing to do when I'm at work. Besides it's always different .I don't really notice a pattern .Some mornings I'm a dead beat , others I'm fine. Some evenings I can barely move. Some entire days are like that too. The fatigue I hate most is when it comes on suddenly and I get this fever. I have to be careful then not to hurt myself . I lose my concentration and sometimes my memory. Like last Monday when I was working on a file . Suddenly I felt so tired , feverish , and then my mind went blank . I started crying to myself quietly . I hate that .Hate how I seem to have very little control over my emotions.
At least I didn't carry on like I did at Christmas getting angry with everyone and crying endlessly. What a crazy pain in the neck I was. I know it's hard for them to understand what the heck is going on with me. I don't even know.

The doctors , the MS society people, tell me to rest, not to get over tired , as it will aggravate my symptoms. I know it true, yet resting doesn't always work.Just as I start to relax I'll get this twitching in my neck or legs , this odd numbness in my forehead ,or a weird sensation like an electric shock going through my body . I start worrying about everything. Other times I get so tired I conk right out and then a twitch or pain will awaken me suddenly.

The only thing that seems to work to stop it in it's tracks : sleeping pills, but I'm afraid to take them all the time. I ration them to 1 or 2 per week . Don't want to turn into a junkie . Which is a subject for another night. MS and drugs.