Tuesday, April 1, 2008

No air

Yesterday, during the night I had this strange feeling. I was breathing and yet it felt like there wasn't any air going in my lungs. I'm not congested, don't have a cold or allergies, and it wasn't an asthma attack. I didn't feel any pain or tightness . It lasted for a couple of minutes . This happened a few times during the night. Wonderful ! another thing to keep me awake. I can add it to the list of strange annoying things, that always happen when I'm tired and want so badly to sleep.

I had those jerking motions too, that feel like mini seizures , like an electric shock.
For the last few days when I get really tired in the afternoon I've had that weird fever thing. It bugs me because I keep thinking I'm getting a cold .

This afternoon I packed up my brief case to take to work at home tomorrow. I figure my boss never said directly that I couldn't do it anymore, so until he comes right out and says no, I'm just going to carry on as usual. I don't even care if I get hassled for it on Thursday. I'm so tired, I'm in survival mode now. I only have about 7 weeks to go till I take my summer leave. Don't ask me why something I have been doing for 6 months suddenly is a problem for these guys.
Or why I was allowed for 9 years ! at the other office ,when I wasn't sick .
My bosses don't really have a clue what they're doing and just make up stuff as they go along.
The result being that they are turning me into lifeless rag doll . I can't let them do that.

I have so much anxiety wondering if I'm going to be able to make it through another week, another month. Work at a place for 23 years with no problems and then suddenly everything starts falling apart. There' no good reason for it either . Trying to explain what I'm going through is pointless, they just don't get it.
At least all the stupid forms for Health Canada have been processed. Now I just have to wait for a confirmation letter for an appointment to see one of their doctors . I've been told by others who have gone through it that it's not that big a deal. It may take a couple of months,maybe even longer, which is a drag. I've been dragging around for 4 years now trying to get my life in order. Will it ever be so ?
I guess that's enough complaining for one night. I do it because need to keep track of all this stuff to tell the doctor when I see him.

Still need to get some pledges for the MS walk. Bleck ! I hate my writing style when I'm tired. Things just don't sound the way I want them to.


mdmhvonpa said...

Are they trying to harass you into submission? To leave your job? Is HR involved?

Taxingwoman said...

Yeah I think that's exactly what they are trying to do. HR says they must accommodate me, and at the same time they seem to be working with management to figure out a way to get rid of me. The union talks big and does little. The whole thing is a tiresome mess.